Uncertainty Beyond
by beneathe-the-shadows
Summary: The most tragic thing is that you're never sure.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Alexander and other related characters, okay?

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Uncertainty Beyond

This grand and beautiful palace belongs to the woman to whom my beloved shall be wed, on this very night.

I cannot deny how attractively elegant this palace is to me, with its large sprawling halls, gold gilded doors and its balconies gracefully jutting out into the air. I stand on one such balcony right now, staring out at the tall, russet colored trees, fumbling with something in my pocket, grieving, thinking, and struggling with a hope that screams within me, paining me.

At this moment, the space beyond this balcony is terribly inviting, beckoning to me as the balmy atmosphere appeals to my senses, tempting me to be as one of those leaves falling from those trees, to be engulfed by the warmth of the wind and to be able to feel its warmth surge through my body.

The warmth…how my body longs for it. But no. I must put away such thoughts and ignore the bewildering beauty of it all for I know that it is not real. It cannot be real. It is tempting, relieving, it shall give me release for a while but as I fall, the wind that I expect to soothe my body will freeze it instead, revealing to me a future, dark and unsure, tainted with nothing of Alexander within them. I resent the fact that he is getting married but I resent the idea of never seeing him again even more.

The warmth that Alexander is able to give me… nothing can exceed that. The burning sensation when he touches my skin, the heat of his kisses on my lips, the passion which we both share when we are together, making love and greatest of all is that which I see when he looks at me, his eyes piercing into me as he tells to me his vows of love… It is that warmth which I live for.

No one can keep anything too great for them…so evident in the Iliad…so evident now. Because tonight, someone else has the right to claim that warmth and I shall be cheering in sadness, forcing myself to let go of the only thing which I have tried to keep to myself for so long, desperately clinging to it, only to give it up.

But that is not all that I shall do. I will not allow it to be all, for before that dreadful thing happens, I shall give him this ring.

Tonight, this ring will no longer show the gleam and brilliance it possesses under the flare of the sun but it will be enough for he will wear it, bearing the proof that he was mine ever before he was hers.

Even so, I am anxious and my heart cries out for this night to come because of the uncertainty that it taunts me with, bringing to me both fear and excitement, simultaneously trying to take hold of my body. Yes, I am sure that he will wear it but I am unsure of the meaning which the ring will reveal to behold. It may be a symbol of the finality of our love. And to this idea I tremble in pain, but I hope and oh please let it be so, that this ring will be the symbol of our continuing love unhindered, unbarred by the vows of marriage.

But then again, maybe I am asking too much… and perhaps I was never meant to have him at all. But I know----! No, I do not know but I shall, tonight.

P—p—please review…please. Thank you and thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't know why I suddenly decided to write this but now that it's written. I guess it wouldn't be bad to post it. I don't think its that good but I hope you guys still enjoy it.

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Alexander's POV

Now, she is sound asleep beside me, her breath, slow and peaceful from the passion we shared tonight, our wedding night, but I lie wide awake, my body refusing to find peace, in this cold dark night.

I long to close my eyes and fall into the darkness and awaken in the bright daylight, where I am strong and invincible but my thoughts overpower me tonight, taunting me, and depriving me of peace. It keeps repeating in my head that I am defeated and I can do nothing but accede. In the dark, where no one can see me, I am vulnerable.

The truth sears into my brain. I am defeated. I have sought to conquer. I thought I had conquered my bride and her country, but is it not she who sleeps soundly tonight, while I lie awake painfully defeated?

I have brought this upon me. I have fed my desire to conquer the world and for this I can feel my greed consume me, slowly, intoxicatingly. I live to conquer. I will die if I cannot feed this greed and yet I can feel it consuming me and I cannot resist though I try, to fight my greed, I am not strong enough.

And for this… I will lose him.

I remember feeling his amber eyes glint with immeasurable pain, as he told me the other night that he fears to lose me to the world and I looked back at him trying to hide the fear in my own eyes, trying to radiate, a strength which I knew was no longer there.

I could not fool him as I could not fool myself. He can feel it too that I was being consumed by my desire for the world and that he would have to lose me and yet the only thing I wanted to be consumed by is his love. But I see that he was right for tonight I lay beside another, another which I have pledged to love.

Soon… I will have been lost to him and I can do nothing… nothing to prevent it.

I just wish to hold him, to hold him for as long as I can and savor the moment that could be our last. I want to reassure him… of my love… that even though greed is overpowering my heart… my love is far greater… that I really do love him but am powerless to resist… so foolish.

How can I reassure him of my love? How can I give him peace and strength… if I have none of it to give?

The ring… I will find strength and peace from it. I will have it, when I cannot have him. I will find strength so that when I see him again… I can comfort him.

Those sad, pained eyes… all is lost…

My dear…

Hephaestion…


End file.
